On Loneliness – A Book Review

I’m not sure if I will write many book reviews but I was keen to flag this publication.

The School of Life has a track record of publishing quality books around psychological and emotional life topics. But this time they have really caught the zeitgeist with their latest offering on loneliness. We might wonder who will admit to being lonely and who on earth will want to buy a photo-book on the subject?

But if we were to be honest loneliness is part of all of our lives to some degree or other. For many in our communities it is a daily challenge which is often triggered by illness, financial hardship, grief or relationship breakdown.

The genius is that The School of Life asked the award winning and up-and-coming portrait photographer Julia Hawkins to capture powerful portraits of individuals. Their picture is set alongside their story of loneliness in their own words. These are people I would probably pass in the street every day. They are very ordinary, they they not only have they nursed feelings of loneliness, and some of them still do, but they also have the confidence and bravery to share that with the reader.

Julia Hawkins must have a special way of connecting with her subject in a deep way, because each portrait has an intensity. Some portraits look out at me and challenge me not to look away. Other portraits invite me into their home or their space asking me to share that space with them for a while. Looking at the photographs and reading the stories I don’t see victims or a casualty or a loser, instead I see strong people who have endured, they have stuck it out and, to top it off, they invite me into their lives. This invitation is not just for an encounter, it is an invitation to be strangely changed by their vulnerability and their witness to their own loneliness. 

The title of the book is ‘On Loneliness’ with the subtitle ‘How to overcome isolation and enjoy solitude’. My hunch is someone in the back office thought the book would sell better if it was marketed as a ‘how to’ book. Popular culture seems obsessed these days with any kind of media which tells us ‘how to do’ something. All of our technical challenges, personal woes, bad habits and flabby bellies can be quickly and simply sorted by a ‘how to’ video delivered by the expert with a very firm six pack abdomen. For me this is shallow and it is a shame this book has gone with this tide because it is not a ‘how to’ book.

On the surface this book is about loneliness, but actually it is about the beauty and wonder of human beings. This book chronicles our frailty and strength, our capacity to be overwhelmed, loose our will to live and yet, somehow, find the courage to live another day.

So over the past week I found myself returning to this book again and again, but this time, rather than me accepting their invitation into their lives and space, I found myself inviting these beautiful people into my life, giving them space within me. Maybe it is a bit like a prayer – whatever, these beautiful portraits ‘come into’ me and have signposted me towards my own loneliness and other sadness and some-how have told me it is OK and I will survive and maybe even flourish.

The book is hardback well bound so it can be laid flat on the coffee table. It has lovely silky paper and is about A5 size – I just wish it was a bit larger in size if only to give those wonderful portraits more space.

Just go buy this book if you can. Use it to pray or meditate with or whatever you do. It may be a bit strange giving a book on loneliness to a beloved for Christmas, but heck – what a gift you would be giving.